The Importance of Gardening

Hi, all!

My plan had been to get online and write this post over the weekend. That would be... er... last weekend. But, I got tired. Go figure!! That's okay. Hopefully, either you were too tired to read it, or brain fog had gotten you and you had forgotten to check it out, anyway. Always a silver lining!

I thought it would be good to start this blog with a bit of a simple explanation of what fibromyalgia is, who gets it, why it occurs, and some other mundane information like that. But, even more than the mundane information, I think it would be good to talk about why you should do everything you can to arm yourself with that information. 

In my opinion, there are a few reasons that it is important to understand the condition that you are living with every day. Firstly, knowledge is power... Well, kind of. You won't score yourself an extra vote in the polling booth, superhuman powers, or even remote control dominance just because you know about fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome. But, you will gain some personal power from understanding why you feel the way you feel. 

I'll probably provide a bunch of links to other sites and papers that answer these questions more specifically, scientifically, and comprehensively than I can. I completely believe in the power of knowledge and having an understanding of where your symptoms are coming from and why. Especially for illnesses like FM and CFS that can easily be brushed aside, sometimes most especially by medical professionals, as make believe, or at least, over exaggerated conditions by their patients. 

Secondly, it is important to have some hard information in your brain (Yes, I can hear all the FMs muttering, "Pfffft! Yeah, right... in my brain!") or at least on hand as to why you feel the way you do, especially when dealing with those around you who clearly have no idea what it is like to feel like rubbish for extended periods of time, and think that the answer is for you to "harden up" and "choose to be healthy". There are times when it is easy to doubt yourself and how you feel, especially if those close to you seem to. 

That creeping little tendril of self consciousness and disquiet starts to worm its way into your thinking, and the next thing you know, you are convinced that maybe you do just need to toughen up. Maybe you're subconsciously faking the pain, fatigue, and brain fog altogether. Maybe it is just a virus. Maybe you are dependent, even addicted, to those meds, and the pain and symptoms you're feeling are withdrawal symptoms, not a chronic illness, after all.

I find it so easy to entertain these tiny insecurities, even if only for a fleeting moment. It pops up like a minuscule weed, just a harmless little shoot in your garden of thoughts, nothing more than a prickle. No harm there, right? Next thing you know, though, it's a great big thorny, thistly, growing thing - a horrible invasive vine, strangling and smothering anything, and sometimes everything, colourful and good in the garden. This is one of my own biggest struggles - the constant battle against the weeds, and that most-awful of self-doubting thoughts. That, fundamentally, there is something wrong me, and I deserve this.

It's not true, of course. I know that... logically, at least. But, it is at these times that I find the scientific research into the workings of fibromyalgia most helpful. It reminds me that what I'm going through is real, tangible, and very much physiological. Not just some sick, self-inflicted plea for attention from my subconscious.

Of course, you could sit there and try to control your thoughts and attempt to remove that massive prickly weed all on your own, but, you'll most likely tear yourself to pieces as you go. Information about your illness, and more importantly, the surety and confidence in yourself that comes with that information, is like your weed killer. Put on your weed-busting, pumpy-squirty backpack thing, and fire away at that sucker! BAM!!... And the weeds are gone!

I find taking a similar approach to friends, family, medical practitioners, and strangers is also a good tact. I don't know of anyone with illnesses with FM and CFS who haven't had to deal with the common misunderstanding and lack of sympathy, even just acknowledgement, of these virtually invisible conditions. "You don't look sick", "I'd love to sit around and just watch TV all day!", and "It's just mind over matter - you just need to get going and fake it 'til you make it" are all familiar things I've heard, more than a few times, when trying to explain why I'm not well enough to come to work today/make it to our coffee date/go to the shops to buy more toilet paper. 

While I don't advocate carrying around a satchel full of scientific papers and handing them willy-nilly to every sceptic you come across, again, that kind of information, even if it's for your benefit only, is a very good reminder that, no matter what anyone else believes or doesn't believe, what you are going through is real. And, you're not alone. 

Unless actually throwing scientific papers at sceptics really does work. BAM!!... And the sceptics are gone! He! He! If only.

In short, information and understand what you're going through is important, and not just for the sake of having a deeper physiological appreciation of why you feel the way you do. It can help you understand, and help you feel more secure in yourself. Maybe that self-confidence and knowledge will even rub off onto those around you that are less knowledgeable and confident in your diagnosis. And, perhaps most importantly, it will keep your private emotional garden harmonious and clear for the growth of positive thoughts, affirmations, and motivations. 

If your garden is in need of a good tidying up, have a look at the Fibromyalgia Support Network Australia on Facebook, or Fibromyalgia Network for some good articles on all aspects of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome. These are two pages that I turn to often, and I'm sure I will regularly link interesting articles from them both. 

Happy gardening! 

Fire and Hilarity

Welcome!

I recently decided to start a blog about my life with fibromyalgia. However, I want this to be a different kind of chronic illness blog — something a bit... special. Informative. Light. Encouraging. Maybe even enlightening. Or, if that's too lofty and pretentious, I'd be happy to provide some sense of solidarity and humour to anyone else going through a similar experience!

I was inspired to start putting fingertips to keyboard a few weeks ago after scanning over another fibromyalgia blog. The blogger had been suffering from a bucketload of chronic illnesses for most of her life — poor old duck. I could empathise with many of the symptoms, hardships, and complaints that she described, and I really did feel for her. She was barely able to leave the house, her husband of many years had left her, her grown children weren't terribly supportive — all of which seem to be tragic but common consequences of chronic illness. However, the more I read, the more I realised that, while I could empathise with this woman and all she was going through, I absolutely despised the way she viewed the world and her existence. Talk about a sad panda!

The last three posts I read from her blog revolved around the fact that her host site had changed formats, and how this had turned her world upside down to the point that she felt she couldn't get out of bed or leave the house due to the extreme disruption and duress it had caused her.

I try really really hard in my life not to be judgemental. Really, I do. But, all I could think was, "REALLY?!?!" *insert appropriately shocked, rolly-eyed emoticon smiley face here*

One of her followers had a similar reaction as I, and politely questioned her on whether she was, perhaps, maybe, overreacting just a little. At which point, she let loose with an avalanche of typical keyboard-warrior self-righteousness, accusing her confronter of heartlessness and insensitivity, and that they could never understand how a chronic illness such as hers could rob someone of their strength, sense of self and power, and ability to cope with even the smallest of changes in life. She then invited him to refrain from commenting or reading her blog ever again.

I mean.... REALLY?!?!

What a load of codswallop! Don't get me wrong, I understand on a very real and personal level where her tirade was coming from. But, there's no need to be such a bloody victim about it, particularly when we are talking about a simple change of format to your blog site! God knows what I would have been reading if something serious had happened, like, oh I don't know, she had been forced to flip her mattress or switch to recycled toilet paper.

The thing that got to me the most was that this blog had thousands of followers. Thousands! And, following what? A blogger who, even after half a lifetime to learn how to accept and cope with her situation, still hasn't managed to put on her big girl pants, grow up, and talk about anything but how crappy her life is? Just a classic case of misery loving company, I suppose. (Okay, so that was all a bit judgemental. Oops. I'll keep trying, and I wish the poor old duck all the best!)

It was at this moment that I decided to view my own experience with fibromyalgia in a different light, and hopefully, include others in my new-found attitude towards this stupid sucky condition.

So, if you struggle with a chronic illness like fibromyalgia (FM), chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS), lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, myofascial pain disorder, depression and anxiety, or any other equally as sucky illness, or you know or care for someone with these conditions, and, you're wanting to inject a bit more positivity and humour into your situation, I hope you'll stick with me, and that we can teach each other how to laugh, learn, and be positive in order to cope until we're either better or dead. Preferably better.

I want to tell the story of a chronic pain condition. My plan is to be open about the reality of fibromyalgia and it consequences, its different methods of treatment, both the physical and emotional toll it can take on a person and the people around them. All of it; the good, the bad, and the ugly. The rules are there will be no whinging, whining, self-pitying, or solidarity through negativity. I will be positive, informative, light-hearted, and infectious. (Joyfully infectious, that is. Fibromyalgia isn't contagious, as far as I'm aware.) YOU MIGHT BE SICK BUT YOU WILL BE HAPPY ABOUT IT!

Of course, there will be days where I fail at this task. If you experience a chronic illness, you will know that, like everyone else out there, I will also have my bad days and weak moments. But, I promise to do my best to see the silver lining. Or, if I'm feeling truly down on myself and have nothing nice to say, I'll post a bunch of pretty motivational pictures with encouraging cliches. Everybody loves those. And, please, if I'm having a bad day, be sure to poke fun at me. If you can't laugh, you'll cry, and crying makes you ugly. There's no sense in both feeling crap and looking ugly... at least, not both on the same day!

I overheard a comment at a coffee shop the other day about fire walking, and it got me thinking. Walking over hot coals has long been used in many cultures as a symbolic action of strength and courage, as a rite of passage, and to test one's faith. Despite valiant efforts, science has not been able to debunk the obvious; the fire walker really is walking slowly, barefoot across a red-hot fiery bed of glowing embers that often measure more than five hundred degrees Celsius. It sounds impossible. But, it's not! I've seen it! And, it was awesome!

The most common explanation for fire walkers being able to perform this amazing but risky act safely is the ability to control their thoughts and emotions while walking over the coals. Their success and safety rely on the principle of "mind over matter", and for centuries, it has worked. They are able to endure the physical sensation and discomfort of the coals because, mentally, they are strong and focused on positivity, success, love — all things that are in total contradiction to what they would be experiencing physically if they were to focus on the pain they were in, instead.

I believe the key to coping with a chronic illness is very similar to walking over hot coals. Yes, being sick is crappy. Yep, much of the time, it hurts physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Yes, it is very easy to want to vent, whinge, cry, and throw a tantrum at the unfairness of it all. Yep, sometimes it feels like the easiest option would be to give up. But, just like fire walkers, we can endure all of this pain.  We, too, can successfully walk over the hot coals of our stupid illnesses with positive thinking, strength in each other, our friends and families, and support networks, and patience, belief, and love for ourselves.

I can't wait. Bring on the fire and the hilarity of chronic illness!